"Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends."
"Did you know I have a Masters?"
"I'll send you my quote tomorrow."
"Theres nothing that can’t be fixed with Duct Tape, WD40, or wine."
"If in doubt - livin’ la vida loca."
"If at first you don’t succeed, call it version 1.0."
"I’m here live, I’m not a cat."
"Finding a good hairdresser is like finding a good lawyer - you gotta go to the same guy."
